


The Strongest of Them All

by theanonbandit



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Almost Suicide Attempt, Depression, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, Why Did I Write This?, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 00:41:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19073983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theanonbandit/pseuds/theanonbandit
Summary: Since everyone is basically going to ignore the fact that the team were pretty shitty friends to Conner in Season 2 (despite maybe Mal, Jamie, and Gar) even when he hinted at being suicidal in episode 4, I've decided to elaborate and take that line as seriously as it should have been treated.





	The Strongest of Them All

Conner had always felt somewhat disconnected from those around him. That’s just one of the perks with being a genetically engineered, meta-human hybrid. Said disconnection, though, usually stemmed from lack of life experience or common culture. It was more of an acknowledgment of the fact that he was different, rather than complete disconnection from life around him. No, that came later.  
It was no surprise to Conner, that the majority of his friends and teammates had unofficially taken M’gann’s side after the breakup. Surely, it probably wasn’t intentional. It’s just the way the dust seemed to settle after everyone heard the news. Probably, because Conner had decided not to give out any of the real reasons why he’d left her. Come to think of it, would anyone even believe him if he did? 

/Yea, she was telepathically putting her victims in a catatonic state/

Or even better,

/She tried to screw with my memory so I’d forget we had a fight. Now she’s dating a fish./

The thought of her with La’gaan only made the crushing grip around his heart wrench tighter. Having to physically see them together every day made him sick. Did he even have the right to be angry? He is the one who left her after all. If only he could reveal the truth. He wouldn’t though. He couldn’t. No matter how much she’d hurt him, betrayed him, or broke his trust…He just couldn’t do the same to her. It would ruin the fantasy life she had made for herself here on Earth. She’d lose her friends and maybe even be kicked off the team. She’d be alone. Just like Conner was right now. 

/Goddammit, I shouldn’t be this weak…/

Conner hissed, voice breaking slightly. He was supposed to be strong. Invulnerable like Superman. Conner wondered if Clark had ever felt like this. 

/If only he could see me now…/

For once, Superboy was glad his older brother was off planet. He could spare Clark the shame of seeing him like this. Slumped against his bathroom wall, gun in hand, in the same pair of sweat pants he’d been wearing for three days now. Conner’s eyes were bloodshot and slightly swollen from harshly wiping tears before they had the chance to fall.  
Honestly, he wasn’t even sure how long he’d been sitting there. He had been loading a pistol, that he’d bought at a pawn shop, with the kryptonite bullets he’d stolen from Mt. justice. Though no one on the team used guns, they all had a nasty habit of keeping souvenirs. He’d be long gone before anyone noticed that he or the bullets were missing. 

Conner loaded the magazine and cocked the gun. The sickening click of a bullet in the chamber echoed in the quiet apartment. 

Writing a letter or leaving behind any kind of explanation seemed pointless. Artemis was dead. Kaldur had betrayed them. Conner had lost the love of his life, his friends, and the only home he’d ever known. The only person who had even acknowledged his birthday was a girl he’d met in high school four years ago. No one would care if he were gone. Even if they did, it was too late. 

He stared at the gun in his hands with hollow eyes. Devoid of any emotion. He felt nothing. Numb. The numbness might even be worse than sadness. At least then he felt something.

Conner’s mind flooded with the typical memories of someone whose life was about to end. Unlike a human, he actually remembers opening his eyes for the first time. He remembers his first steps. His first words. The first of many painful experiments Desmond had put him through. He recalled the night of his liberation. Nightwing, Kaldur, and Wally had been so supportive of him and his right to choose who he wanted to be. They were his first family.  
He thought of Clark and how he’d rejected him that first year of his life. Though the two of them had formed a relationship since that time, the feeling of being unwanted was still all too familiar. Maybe, even more so now than before.  
It’s not like he would leave without any regrets, though. Imagining Clark returning home, only to find out that his little brother had needed him while he was away was heartbreaking. Not to mention Black Canary’s reaction, and having to explain to Garfield what had happened. The thought of the young hero having to lose yet another member of his family was almost enough to make Conner rethink his decision. Almost.  
To be honest, he hadn’t planned on killing himself. Sure, he was upset after the breakup. Who wouldn’t be after something like that? He kept telling himself that the depression would subside. That maybe M’gann would find her self-control again. Or she wouldn’t, and he’d move on. He was pretty hopeful. After all, that’s what he stands for right? Hope.

/Kinda ironic. The guy that stands for hope is pretty fuckin hopeless./

Teammates silently distanced themselves. Nightwing was focused on the team and how they were going to deal with the invasion. The majority of the league’s members were off planet, attempting to diffuse the situation on Rann. Clark was one of them. So, when Conner finally realized he had hit rock bottom, he looked up to find he was alone. Ma and Pa were still in Smallville, but he didn’t want to bother them with his problems. He already felt like a burden anyway. Why go and make it even worse? 

His head hurt from thinking too much. Every detail, every emotion, cycling through his brain like a tornado in Kansas. He just wanted it all to stop. To not have to think anymore. To not feel so empty and alone anymore…

Slowly and almost gracefully, he brought the barrel to rest against his right temple. He slowly drew one last, deep breath as he curled his index finger over the trigger.

“Shit!”

Conner cursed as the ringing of his cellphone made him jump. It usually takes a lot to get that kind of reaction out of him. He blames it on excess adrenaline as he sets his gun on the floor to his right. He digs around in his pocket for the phone, chastising himself for leaving the ringer on.  
It was Nightwing. Conner questioned internally as to whether or not it was a good time to take a phone call, but chose to accept it anyway.

“Hello?” He answered. /Damn, does my voice really sound that rough?/

“Conner, hey, it’s me. I need you to come down to the cave. I’m getting a squad together for a spur-of-the-moment mission, and we could use a heavy hitter.” Dick sounded just as nonchalant as usual. If only he knew what was happening on the other end of this call. 

“Fine. I’m on my way.” Conner ended the call before Dick had the chance to say anything about his gravely voice, or his radio silence the past couple of days.  
He didn’t have to think twice about agreeing. Beating the shit out of whatever or whoever was needed, is something he was still good for. Conner slowly dragged himself up off the floor, using the edge of the sink to steady him. His legs were tingling from having sat for so long.  
Conner reached for the gun again, but this time placing it in the drawer below the sink. That’s when he finally caught a glimpse of appearance. His hair was a chaotic mess from pulling at it. His eyes were red-rimmed, and he was a good three shades paler than normal.  
He splashed water on his face in an attempt to cool his burning eyes and exchanged his sweatpants for a worn t-shirt and jeans from the hamper behind him.

/Still haven’t done laundry./

He’ll have to find motivation for personal hygiene another day. He finished lacing his boots and headed for the door. Conner took a final look at his apartment. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was looking at, but he felt the need to do it. When he finally felt ready, he stepped out and locked the door behind him. Whatever storm was raging in the back of his mind would have to wait. The team needed him. Earth needed him. He was expected to be strong. So that’s exactly what he’d be.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic. Please leave honest constructive criticism. I've been writing for a while but there's always room for improvement. Hope you liked it!


End file.
